


one-man cult

by thatsafakelaugh



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Unrequited Love, bucky i will PROTECT you, bucky's angry and sad in this, i will get you a good boyfriend with a good dick to love you, if you were happy with how steve's arc ended don't read this, this is me venting my anger toward what happened through bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 04:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18653113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsafakelaugh/pseuds/thatsafakelaugh
Summary: Avengers: Endgame spoilers"Bucky knew the moment Steve turned toward him that Steve wasn’t coming back."Bucky lets Steve know just how he feels about him leaving.





	one-man cult

**Author's Note:**

> title from "bad religion" by frank ocean. word doc title was "fuck STEVE"
> 
> i should've waited to post this i just changed the title and i find myself wanting to change more things oh well
> 
> i saw endgame TWICE worst two decisions of my life and i really Really REALLY hated how steve's arc ended trust me i'm sad about it but just seeing him be old and how he left bucky after bucky just came back made me want bucky to get angry at him and just rip into him. so. here
> 
> shoutout to my love karolina they wanted me to have bucky call steve a cocksucker in this and i Did it.

“I’m gonna miss you, buddy.”

Bucky knew the moment Steve turned toward him that Steve wasn’t coming back. He just didn’t think he’d feel so devastated seeing the older, wrinkled version of his best friend sitting on that bench.

Bucky watches Sam and Cap talking, watches Cap hand Sam the shield. Bucky watches Sam ask Cap to tell him about her, and watches Cap refuse to.

Bucky watches, and thinks, and feels no other emotion except anger.

Sam gets up with the shield in his hands and leaves Steve sitting by himself, walks back to where Bucky is still standing by the time-travel machine. There’s a forlorn, upward twist on his lips that falls away the second he lays eyes on Bucky’s face.

Sam comes to a stop next to Bucky, back facing the lake. He rests a placating hand on Bucky’s metal shoulder.

“Go easy on him, huh?”

Eyes straight forward Bucky replies, “I’ll tell him what he deserves to hear.”

Sam gives him one more look before turning to walk away.

“Hey Sam.”

Sam looks back, “Mhm?”

Bucky gives a nod at the shield. “It suits you.” He smiles. “Like it was made just for you.”

Sam grins widely, gap tooth making an appearance for the first time that day. He snaps off a salute and heads toward Bruce. Bruce peers at Bucky for a moment and nods sagely from where he stands by the machines and devices.

It’s still weird to Bucky, to see the giant act that way; he only knew Bruce as the man with seven PhDs, but he had seen videos of the Hulk causing destruction and protecting people from bigger bad than him. Watching the mixture of these two personas is strange, but Bucky’s happy to see the man comfortable with himself. He doesn’t have to imagine what’s it like to not trust one’s self when control is lost.

Bucky waits until Sam and Bruce leave the clearing, bickering about the logistics of time travel. Steve is still sitting by the lake; he hasn’t turned around.

Taking one last breath to ground himself, Bucky walks toward the man he once called his best friend.

“Cap.”

Steve looks over his shoulder, a worn, wrinkled smile on his lips. “Hey Buck.”

Bucky gracefully plops himself down, leans forward with his elbows on his knees and hands dangling between his legs. “What a day, huh?”

Steve chuckles. It grates on Bucky’s nerves. “Been more than a few days for me, Bucky. If you couldn’t tell.”

Bucky doesn’t want to hear this. He never did get what he wanted, though. “Tell me about it.”

Steve hums softly and takes a few seconds to reply, “I finally got that dance with her.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees wistfully. “Spent the rest of her life dancing together ’til we couldn’t.”

Bucky eyes his mismatching hands and says blankly, “Looks like you got everything you always wanted. The girl of your dreams and the house with the white picket fence. Kids?”

Steve’s face is glowing. “Two of them. A boy and a girl.”

“Best of both worlds then.” In everything sense of that phrase, Bucky thinks bitterly.

Bucky can feel Steve’s eyes on him, at the way Bucky refuses to face him. “Yeah, Buck. I wish you could have met them. They would have loved you.”

Bucky doesn’t deem that with a response. He hears everything Steve isn’t saying. _I never looked for you. No one did. You were never saved._

_I left you for them._

“So it’s just like old times then, huh, pal?”

Steve glances at him, a furrow to his brow. “Not sure what you mean.”

Bucky finally sits up to stare Steve in the eyes. “You abandoning me. You left me in the snow the last time, right? All those years ago.”

Steve’s eyes grow sad. “Buck-“

“You forgot me back in this timeline, and you forgot me in yours, too.”

Steve grabs at Bucky’s forearm with a weathered hand. He’s covered in age spots. “I didn’t want to change the future too much, Buck. You gotta know I wanted to go get you.” Steve’s old voice wavers with emotion.

Bucky doesn’t know this man.

“But you could change it enough for your own gain? Didn’t Peggy have a husband and kids? What happened to them?”

Steve flinches and slowly releases his hold on Bucky. “I used the last of the Pym particles to take me back to 1945. Peggy hadn’t met her husband yet.”

Bucky lets out a sharp laugh and shakes his head. He should have known; he’d said he didn’t know if he was worth it to Steve, on the way to Siberia. Now he knows he wasn’t. Not to Steve.

Without answering, Bucky gets up. Steve shakily struggles to his feet after him. “Now wait, Bucky. You knew I wasn’t going to come back.”

“Sit down, you goddamn fucker. If you fall I’m not helping you up.” Steve rests back on the bench, starring up at Bucky with wide eyes, his mouth open in shock. He’s never seen Bucky this unwilling to forgive him before.

Bucky glares down at Steve, this stranger with a familiar nose and blues eyes he could get lost in. He doesn’t allow himself to.

“Now listen to me, you cocksucker. Yeah, I did know I wasn’t gonna get you back. That ain’t mean it hurt any less having Bruce count down and you not show up.” Bucky’s voice frustratingly breaks, “I came back from the dead for you. I came back _twice_. Why couldn’t you do the same for me?”

Steve looks up at the way Bucky holds himself, like he’s preparing himself to punch out the enemy. Steve is startled to realize that’s him.

A mocking smile breaks out on Bucky’s face after Steve doesn’t answer right away. “You know, I’m happy for you two, you and Peggy. You deserve happiness, to be selfish for once.” Bucky nods to himself. “And so do I. I deserve someone who will love me back and not leave me for dust—“ Steve’s face shutters “—oh sorry, too soon? It’s been five years. Get over it.” Bucky takes a deep breath.

“I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love him.”

Steve recoils back at the words. “Buck. Bucky. I-I didn’t—“

Bucky’s grin gentles while he interrupts him, turns softer where his lips curl up. “Maybe I’ll give the time machine a go, go visit that version of you from 2012. Heard he might be looking for me.”

Bucky turns and leaves, letting Steve watch him walk away.

Bucky doesn’t look back.

**Author's Note:**

> ok so. heh
> 
> i'm gonna write a second chapter or part to this with 2012!steve and 2019(2023?)!bucky but idk when bc school and finals
> 
> also this was my first fic? ever? like Ever? so i hope i didn't fuck up too much rjhwedkajs
> 
> also lowkey let me add this in: steve did love bucky but he moved on (LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE DONE WITH PEGGY whatever fuck this movie)
> 
> i'm [dynamitedyke](https://twitter.com/dynamitedyke) on twitter


End file.
